Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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