Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
