O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
