FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
