Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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