I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
