So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
