I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
