OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
