I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
