I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
