MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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