Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
