Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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