Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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