Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
