Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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