3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
