woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
