just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
