The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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