my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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