Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
