This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
