Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
