I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
