If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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