How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
