she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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