brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
