I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
