The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
