think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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