I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
