Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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