Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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