that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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