She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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