so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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