I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
