just come out here and I will go home with you...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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