You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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