He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
