Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
