I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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