i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
