I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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