Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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