We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
