Her vagina should come with caution tape.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
