three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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