You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
