He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
