please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
