Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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