i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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