He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
