I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
